Emily Shmyr's Portfolio

Leo

I have often struggled with the concept of what is real and what is imaginary. My mind normally warps me into a galaxy of thoughts and wonders that leave me empty when reality pulls me back, like a band aid ripped off soft skin. I find myself in one of these galaxies at the moment. My eyes staring at the white popcorn ceiling above me, so lost that I fail to recognize the soft breath that hits my neck. This isn’t the first time this has happened, nor is this the first time for him to appear. His visits occur like a Ferris wheel, a never-ending aerial circle that only stops when the controller pulls a lever. Tonight, he appears at 2:40 am. The darkness encompassing us, except for the streetlights that enter from the window. It is him who draws me back into reality.

The coolness of his breath creates shivers down my spine as the texture of his arm against my waist floods my body with warmth. I slowly roll onto my side to face him, careful to not wake the stranger beside me. His head shifts away from my neck, allowing me to fully take in his features. His eyes lay closed, his dark lashes sit perfectly against his face contrasting with the light freckles that scatter his cheeks. I can see his chest falling and rising in a movement that would reflect the calm waves of the sea. I lift my hand up towards his head, allowing my fingers to tangle in the brown, messy hair that lay perfectly against my pillows. From there, my fingertips connect with the sharp cheekbones that define his face. I feel the slight crook of his nose as I move my fingers down to the
cupid’s bow that sits above his lips. I become lost in the galaxy that is him, in such a false hope that I forget if this is truly real or just the stars of my imagination. My thumb lightly brushes over his pink lips, the air tickling my skin as he releases a slow breath. I feel his light shift forward and I freeze. Fear encompasses me at the possibility of him waking.

Nothing happens.

He lets out another breath and continues in his rest as my hands move down, connecting to the dark ink that stains the muscle of his arm. I trace the path of thorns connected from his bicep to his wrist. My movements draw slower as his warmth begins to lull me into sleep. A new galaxy appears in my mind as my eyes flutter shut. I become lost in darkness once again. I miss the soft touch of lips against my forehead. I miss the whispered words of “I love you.” I miss the movements beside me and the opening of my window. And in the morning, when the light shines in from outside and the cool air wakes me from my darkness, I miss him.

People Watching

You see them standing there. Their hands intertwined. Soft smiles adorn their features as they stare deeply into the eyes of each other. It’s unconscious, yes, but their love sparks so loud that it can be seen from miles away. You can see it clear as the sky on a cloudless day. Or as they
pass by, as if they leave a trail of fairy dust that sprinkles on anyone they encounter.

But then there is you. The third wheel. The understudy. The role no one auditions for, but someone gets stuck with anyway. All this time, filled with hope, praying one day that they would love you as you love them. But when the cast was announced, you became the understudy and the one person you had always loved, found their own love interest.

Now you are left to watch. A person in the audience witnessing their love story come to life. You see the soft caresses, the forehead kisses, and the longing looks when they are apart. You get dragged along like a side character when you crave loneliness. Because you’d rather be alone than experience the heartbreaking credits that roll after every scene.

Even still you feel it now. The hole in your chest as they move along the street, hands swinging together like wind chimes in the breeze. Once again you’re left behind the scenes, memorizing your lines, waiting for the exact moment where you get to shine. Your heart burns in more ways than one as you trail behind with the realization that maybe you were never truly meant to be the one.

But here you are again, caught up with the lovers in Act 1, Scene 3, waiting for that burn in your chest to break you into pieces. They stand side by side, watching the sunset. One hugging the other from behind as you lose yourself all over. But you put on a smile and flash them that grin. Because why break their happiness when it’s your own fault for falling.

Because you knew it would be unrequited in both heartbreak and in love. But you still had hope, like a childlike dream, that they would be your prince charming and sweep you off your feet. Instead, they found their own princess and left you behind, leaving you broken and constantly lost in a fairy-tale that never could be.

As you watch the sun go down into the ocean, you look to the future and all that might come. Believing in maybe feeling enough or maybe having your own movie to just be in love. Find the person you leave fairy dust behind with, watching it sparkle as you walk together hand in hand. Finally, a time where you will be the one someone watches from afar. When love is present and no longer behind the scenes, where no understudy is needed, and a love story is waiting to begin.

You take one last look at the pair in the distance, with interlinked hands, basking in each other’s glow. But for once there is no heartbreak, there is no burn in your chest and instead, you feel content. Because in the sequel, you will find someone to love you in the way that you deserve. And at that moment you take a deep breath and simply let go.

The Mahogany Door

A thunderstorm roared in the night’s sky as the young girl pushed open the hard wooden door. Goosebumps littered her pale skin as a cool wind swept through the old creaky house as she took her first step inside. She stood in an open entryway, with walls from head to toe covered with rotten wood that groaned with any movement. Her clothes drenched from the tears that poured from above and she shook with the growl of thunder that awoke the house. In need of warmth, the girl moved further into the house, her cautious steps echoing against the limber walls as she moved toward a hallway. Her eyes flickered to a cracked mirror, projecting her bright yellow raincoat and windswept hair. She admired the soft water droplets that littered her coat until she was broken from her gaze by soft whispers filling her ears. She turned towards the source of the sound; the whispers grew louder as she faced a dark mahogany door sitting at the end of the hall. As she drew closer, the sounds intensified, the echoes of her shoes overshadowed by the voices. The girl was a mere step away from the door when she stopped. Her heart rate quickened as she took in the sight in front of her. A silvery spider web clung to its corner, creating an intricate, fragile design that contrasted to the large scratches scattered amongst the stained door. Turning her gaze backward, she saw large drops of water and muddy footprints that traced her sticky path from the entryway to her current state. She quickly turned back to the mahogany door once again. The whispers grew louder, complimenting the raging heartbeat she felt in the pit of her stomach. Curiously, the girl reached her hand toward the golden handle of the door, her fingers clasping around the tip of the handle, slowly turning the knob until the door pushed away from its frame. Before her was a large office, bare to the bones aside from a large stone fireplace that burned bright in the dark room. Craving warmth, the girl moved towards the fireplace, rushing to feel the flames on her skin. Yet, she failed to notice the dark figure that stood in the shadows. Without a sound, the fire whimpered awake in large wisps of blue and green. The young girl became mesmerized in the colours, still unbeknownst of the dark figure that laid within the poorly lit office. Silently, the figure moved closer, scaring the girl from her amazement. Another step forward and the fireplace switched from flames into a never-ending swirl of galaxies. The girl’s eyes widened with wonder and apprehension as the figure took one final step towards her.
She briefly looked at their attire as the figure softly reached a hand towards her. A bright smile overtook their features as they leaned forward, close enough for the young girl to hear their whisper.

“Would you like to go on an adventure?”